No, you don’t! That seems so obvious, yet it’s something that I’m currently struggling with on a few fronts. The obvious one is pole – I know in my head I don’t HAVE to do anything I’m not ready for, but for some reason I get way too worked up about the challenges and struggles I have. I’m not ready to get into that too deeply today. Another one is my general expectations of people. The less obvious one is my body.
A huge benefit to being friendly with the online pole community is you are exposed to a wide array of ideas and viewpoints and inspiration. This week two different bloggers whom I respect very highly posted thought-provoking info that led to this post.
Sheena LaShay replied to something I said regarding how Ryan Seacrest behaved to United Pole Artist’s Annmarie Davies. I said “He actually has a chance to embrace this and show what a class act he COULD be. Shame he’s not choosing that.” And Sheena’s comment was “should we “shame” people who don’t want to be involved or sponsor or help the pole industry.” I actually meant “shame he’s not opening the dialogue” (not shame that he didn’t sponsor the pole idea), but the point is still valid. I don’t advocate shaming people, yet there it was in black and white – my expectations snuck through my mental filter and my lizard brain spit out my true feelings, that he SHOULD behave the way I’d prefer. He is NOT obligated to do what I want. So I want him to open a dialogue? So what? He doesn’t have to! As long as he’s not continuing to bash pole dancing I don’t have to fight him on this, even in my head. I really want to learn to learn to limit my expectations of people and allow them the freedom to not do what I want.
Then, the next day, Lori Myers posted a link to an article asking “Are ‘love your body’ efforts a bad idea?” What an interesting article!! In my pole journey over the last 2 years I have learned so much about appreciating and loving the body you are in. I intentionally follow people online who support that. Again, I think I started having the EXPECTATION that people should all want that feeling of self-love. But the truth is, THEY DON’T HAVE TO. And neither do I. Sometimes I feel unhappy with my body and my immediate reaction is usually guilt for feeling that way. So now I’m feeling crappy about myself in two ways. Nice. I want to learn to expect less of myself (see if you can find the irony in this post!). I tend to find something that I think is good and I go way overboard with how “important” that is – but that focuses only on the goal and not the journey. I admit that I’m highly goal oriented. In some ways that’s served me well, but in other ways it kicks my ass. I get really upset when I am not “where I should be.” Now, don’t get me wrong. I know in my head that growth is a journey and takes time. But if I have an experience that isn’t matching my expectations for THAT part of the journey, I freak out.
So this is something I want to work on (irony!). And I’ll probably get pissed that I’m not succeeding as well or quickly as I want to. And it will be hard. But through the wonders of the internet and the people who use it, I’ll keep being inspired by others to both progress AND keep balance in my expectations.