I was just reading a post on Dances With Fat about “fat dating” and it got me thinking. Many people have a hard time loving their bodies, or at least loving all of their bodies. No surprise there. And some lucky people are in a physical relationship with a partner and that partner enjoys the physical relationship. Makes sense. Others would like to find a physical relationship with a partner. Cool. But when we hate part of ourselves it makes us relegate that part to “unworthy” or even take it so far as a “moral failing”, as Regan mentioned, because we didn’t make the choices society thought were best and our shape is not “ideal”. And here’s the kicker: we inadvertently send the message to our partner or prospective partner that THEY have failed if they love that part of us.
If you hate your big butt and are constantly complaining about it but your partner loves it, you are absolutely disrespecting their opinions and making it hard for them to tell you what they like about you. If you feel you are too skinny and bony but your partner loves that you fit just right when you are cuddling a certain way let them love your bony parts!
In pole, we have a unique environment where all of our peers are wearing a less-than-usual amount of clothes and we see bodies as they really are, without clothes affecting the image. Some of the people we see have dedicated an enormous amount of time and effort to excel at pole and their bodies are amazingly toned. That doesn’t mean other bodies are less beautiful.
That DOESN’T mean other bodies are less beautiful.
Of course I struggle with this. I live in the same society as everyone else. I have an ideal image in my head for what I’d like my body to look like (or perform like!). I try to not dwell on that and instead accept that I have a certain body and am lucky enough to have found a partner who finds me attractive. He deserves my respect of his opinions so it’s important that I don’t send him the message that he makes bad choices every day he’s with me. Said another way, in order to confirm to him that he is making a great decision to be with me every day, I need to love all of me every day. That’s a tough one, but he’s worth it.